Dear Nkesang,
Under better circumstances this is a discussion I would have loved to have in person face to face, but extant circumstances leave me no other choice. I write for two reasons: Firstly because being the father of my children and the man who first made me feel fully/wholly a woman, you deserve to be released and liberated from the countless questions which hold you hostage regarding the circumstances of my departure; secondly because it is my hope that we both learn from this as we go forward with our lives either together or separately as the case may be.
Once upon a time there was a rush of adrenaline which came from a constantly innovative expression of a mutual loving which made our union possible - we even loved dangerously. Then we got married and busyness vacuum sucked the innovation and routine rushed in the space innovation's disappearance left. Over the years I learned repeatedly that a sustained romance is buried where innovative love leaves and drab, boring, uninspiring routine sets in. With every reinforced lesson of this truth, I grew a deeper and deeper longing to know that rush of adrenaline and feeling of specialness which once made me yours, that kind of dangerous loving which is sustained by sparks of innovative magic. You dropped your A game while competition upped theirs. In an unsuspecting manner Afohnui showed up, made me the singular focus of his attention and satisfied that longing in more ways than I can tell, while your busyness consumed you, made you distant, aloof; further complicating a relationship headed down the dangerous slope of a busyness partnership.
The aim of writing is not to make a case for why this is right for I do not think it is. I wrestle with many emotions and thoughts and just felt is it important for you know why I slipped and how I slipped. Hopefully both of us can learn a thing or two for the future.
I am sorry!
Sincerely,
With a love that has waned but is waiting to be fanned to life again!
NFL.
Brussels © November 2014 afesehngwaHilary
