In memories of you I steep!

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My heart did leap a mighty leap,
Leaving a hole of dire longing very deep,
And since then I have been unable to sleep,
Wondering if I did all I could to keep,
If my efforts were not at best very cheap,
If I should have been a little more radical than sheep,
Wondering if instead of a worthwhile chase I did not opt to creep,
Unable to accept that I earned the poor harvest I am forced to reap,
Triggers from your picture on my phone as it vibrated in a second long beep,
I am not sure if you mistakenly called me from your sleep,
In the fondest stinging memories of you I now have to steep,
I weep!

Brussels © April 2015 afesehngwaHilary

I will see you there!

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Beyond the fault lines of our fragility,

growing imperfections,

decorated weaknesses,

and dislocations from rabid fears,

shivers from frigid tears,

and all that threatens the foundations of our love,

Beyond all these is a dream that restores all lost hope,

Beyond all these,

Right over there,

Beyond the distant horizon,

Farther than the eyes can see,

Close enough for the heart to feel,

Beyond all these is a land,

With a house to house this dream,

And all that is needed to make it true,

Weather the storms,

Let the GPS of your heart direct you,

I am leaving now,

I will see you there,

Don't be late!

Brussels © March 2015 afesehngwaHilary

Enema!

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Bile of vile like the river Nile,

Flows words from a sick and bitter heart,

Hallmark of accrued and pent up bitter grief,

Could be brief but usually self-inflicted,

Principal agent of their own self- destruction,

For the primary site of hatred toxemia,

Is in the walls of the heart that harbors it,

By all means give that heart of yours an enema,

Administering doses of forgiveness,

First for the other and then for self,

No easy task I know,

But you may start by praying for the grace to pray for the other,

In the process the purging of hatred is helped,

Hate and love wouldn't cohabit,

So if you want some love in your heart and life,

Serve hatred's eviction notice/order now!

Brussels © March 2015 afesehngwaHilary

Circumstances of our birth!

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I caught myself daring to give God counsel,
As He consulted with Holy council,

Questions about some things I know He has power to change,
Counsel about some things I will love to see Him exchange,

We don't decide what comes with everyday,
We only decide what we do with any day,

By the circumstances of our birth,
We may be born into dearth,

It is independent of our will,
Only the sanction of the Holy will,

This is for the child in the dark,
Who only knows poverty very stark,

This is for the child in the slumps,
Who lives only on the air in his/her lungs,

This is for the child with a brilliant mind,
This is for the child in the hardest grind,

Who may never be able to read the words I write,
Who has been robbed of every human right,

This is for the child in the womb,
On premature eviction to the tomb,

This is for the child in the heat of cross fire,
Yet alien to the Holy fire,

This is for the child on ten toes,
Who has known only many woes,

This is for the male child with the burdens of a man,
The female child with the pressures of a woman,

This is to the child who has never met love,
And knows not what to do in the face of love,

This is for the child of rape,
Clad in a doubtful drape, 

This is for the child without a mother,
The child without a father,

This is for the child with terminal disease,
The child unaccustomed to ease,

This is for the child of violence,
Whose voice has been silence,

This is for the child shut off from opportunity,
The shut door can be an opportunity,

It is for you dear child that I bleed,
It is for you that I weep,
It is for you that in my folly, I question the Holy creed,
It is for you that I wish I was of another breed,

It is for you that I tried to counsel God,
That every child will be born to peace,
That every child will know the warmth of love,
That every child will have a good father and mother,

It is for you that I tried to plead with God,
That every child will be able to read and write,
That every child will be free of disease,
That every child will have a chance to grow,

It is for you dear child that I entreat the mercies of God,
That every child will have the same opportunity,
That every child will have the same obstacles to challenge growth,
That every child will become something,

And God said to me 'child'
Every child is already something,
No child is a mistake,
Every child is special,
There is a plan for every child,
There is a seed in every child,
There is an indomitable spirit in every child,

Those children, they give my love a chance,
They give my compassion a chance,
They give my sacrifice a chance,
They give my grace a chance,

then God went on... 
I need a vessel to reach them,
I need vessels to reach them,
One person at a time, 
We can reach one child at a time,
With enough vessels,
Like a million tiny ripples,
Together we can build a mighty wave,
And set in motion an impregnable tide,
To begin to overturn the assaults on children,
Together we can begin to give them a chance,
I want your partnership, not that I need it,
but you get to know me best on my JOB...
A tough job but fear not, I will be with you always... 

Then I began to shake uncontrollably,
Every cell in my body,
My legs wobbled and lips shivered,
My teeth clattered as I stuttered,
Saying:
"Father I believe, equip me and use me,
According to your will..."

You may be as scared as I am,
Feel as dwarfed as I am before the lofty call,
But you can say yes too...be a vessel... 
Child abuse can be retired from our world…
It will take you and me,
We can bring that day closer!

Brussels © March 2015 afesehngwaHilary

Supplant it with bold action!

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How can we win if we do not fight,

How can we triumph if we run away from every challenge,

How can a breakthrough come when in the face of the impossible,

We redirect our path to the previously done possible,

How can we be original when a taxing and daunting creativity is left to die ,

And all we seek to do is imitate,

How can there be a mountaintop without a valley,

How can there be a high without a low,

How can there be sweet without bitter,

How can there be joyous happiness without sadness,

Bad makes good possible,

Failure makes success possible,

Every negative makes the positive possible,

Fear not,

Fear only makes courage possible,

Don't embrace fear,

Don't dismiss it,

Supplant it with bold action.

                                                 

                                              Brussels © March 2015 afesehngwaHilary

Who's in charge?

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See how nature beats us up,

And mocks us,

Quakes and tsunamis and accidents,

As bruised humanity licks its wounds, 

Nature goes about its business as usual,

Snow flakes still falling in immaculate white,

And shine with star-like sparkle,

Sun still rising in the east and setting in the west,

Not a single pause, 

Not even to look back at the monstrosity,

In the wake of its epileptic cataclysmic dance,

Panic so thick you can cut it with a knife,

Plans and work of a lifetime cut short,

The utter helplessness of a parent before his/her hapless child,

As the earth literally splits in many halves,

Hungry and in split seconds,

Swallowing anything with mass,

Shaking with frightful force and maiming energy,

Everything on its surface,

Walls of waves many times as tall as man,

Wide as the oceans,

Running at breakneck speed,

Sweep across the shores of raging seas,

Clearing everything in its path,

A spectacle of strength,

Should not strength be used to protect the weak?

Nature, source of our sustenance and livelihood,

Womb of mankind's worst disasters and biggest nightmares,

If I ever went to war,

I want nature on my side,

Yet some man in a delusional folly,

Still thinks man is in control,

Give me a break...

We do what we can,

But we are NOT in control.

                                              Brussels © March 2015 afesehngwaHilary

Show me your scars!

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He asked his daddy how to know he had loved,

Not for evidence that he was in love for that is a different thing,

But for evidence that he had loved,

And his father said the evidence is in the scars son,

The evidence that you have loved is in the scars,

Show me your scars of love and I will know you have loved,

And he proceeded to tell a true story!

“He looked at her,

And shook his head,

She wondered why,

So he told her how,

How he had waited,

How long his wait was dated,

How he had been there,

How he had proposed,

And with the delicacy and precision of a surgeon,

He dissected the details of how he had been rejected,

Multiple times like an incompatible tissue graft,

He described how every “NO” had painfully tugged his heart,

And brought him to a place where he hoped it wasn’t meant to be,

Because he couldn’t imagine the journey back,

With all the milestones and reminders along the way,

He could not imagine making the journey to that first day,

When he looked at her,

And his heart took a leap,

And did a rhumba dance within his breast,

He could not imagine making the journey back to the place,

When she last said ‘No’ maybe for the umpteenth time,

And his rhumba dancing heart fell with the weight of lead,

He pursed his lips and forced an awkward smile on his face,

Took her hand and fixed a gaze on her eyes,

Wondered why she was back,

As his mind wandered and wondered if he is the spare,

His tear glands opened,

And a river of tears peacefully streamed down his cheeks,

Barely able to speak,

He spoke these difficult words:

‘you ask something impossible of me,

I have been there with you many times,

And nothing about that place appeals to me or calls my name,

Anymore…’

Then after an agonizing pause of screaming silence:

‘I love you and will always do,

I know empirically that while love is never meant to hurt,

It does hurt sometimes,

We both have too much baggage along that path,

I believe sometimes, like now, the painful “NO” is the loving thing to do,

Even though it ached my heart… ‘

Then slowly and deliberately and delicately,

As if afraid that it will fall off her body he left her hand,

Hugged her as if he will never see her again,

With the weight of the enormity of the decision weighing on his shoulders,

He dragged himself away,

Feeling lighter as he went further,

Towards the seas of boundless opportunities,

Determined to dare to love again,

Convinced that he had done the right thing for love,

For many many many times the proof of love is in its scars,

Remember a scar is the sequel of healing of the wound”

                                      Brussels © March 2015 afesehngwaHilary